#10:
Half Birthdays and Other “Dates”
When
our older kids turned twelve (girls) or thirteen (boys), they began to have a
special privilege known as “half birthday dates.” At the 12 ½ (or 13 ½) year
old mark, that child got taken out to dinner with Mom and Dad for a unique
dinner date. The first date was a time for the son or daughter to re-committ to
purity (and for the girls, included a purity/promise ring)— and included a long
conversation affirming all of the teaching that they had received up to this
point about our relationship standards. (For our family, this has included a
commitment not to “date around” but to only begin seeing someone when he or she
is ready to get married and thinks the person might be “the one.” Of course,
there are many more details that go into this (i.e. getting parents’ approval
on both sides, establishing a relationship (that we called “courtsthip,”
etc.).)
Beyond
that first half birthday date, our kids’ “half dates” have included the child
choosing a restaurant and a night out with Mom and Dad to talk about goals,
friends, siblings, academics, ministry, and more. It was a novel idea that we
carried out for many, many years.
This
tradition has gone by the way for us today—as it served its purpose in
establishing times away for one child and Mom and Dad during the child’s teen
and young adults years. However, it is no longer needed in a formal manner
since we have “dates” with our teens and young adults much more regularly than
at the half birthday mark today. As a matter of fact, as I type this, we are
driving home from South Carolina to bring our son home from his internship with
the Academy of Arts. We just did a “dinner date” with our daughter and
son-in-law the night before we left to come to SC. The night before that found
us eating dinner alone with our seventeen year old after his first day of
college classes. As we drive home today, we will sit down with our son at one
of his favorite spots. In a few days, one of our daughters will be home with
her “court friend,” and the four of us will sit down alone one evening. A few
days after that, another daughter will be home for a short visit, and Mom, Dad,
and daughter will go to her favorite spot. (Yes, it costs money and
calories—both of which we save just for these occasions—time with our kids is
more of a priority to us than a beautifully decorated house or expensive
vehicles.)
When
our olders were younger, we would sometimes do “dates” one on one with the
little kids, too. These could be as simple as getting an ice cream cone at
McDonalds and going to the park to walk and see the buffalo or taking a bike
ride. Time with our kids one-on-one doesn’t always have to cost a lot. Once
again, the point is that each child knows that Mom and Dad want to spend time
alone with that child—and we will go to great lengths to be sure that happens.
