When I was in elementary school, I had a friend who came from a big
family. When we were in sixth grade, I believe there were already eight
children in the family—and my friend was the oldest. When I went to her
house to stay overnight, three things stood out to me: how her parents
made them recite and pray before bed (they were devout Catholics whose
children memorized catechisms and the Lord’s Prayer, etc.); how hard her
mother worked—from first thing in the morning until she tucked the kids
in; and that her mother made homemade bread all the time.
Fast
forward several years later, and I had another friend whom I would stay
overnight with in junior high. This mother had a home business
(beautician in a shop attached to their house), and she, too, was a
diligent mother, but that isn’t what stood out the most to me. The thing
I remember most about this mother is that she sang all the time. She
would be washing someone’s hair in her shop, and I would hear her
humming away; however, when she was in the house doing chores, she would
sing at the top of her lungs—beautiful, melodious, life-giving songs.
From
these early experiences, I formed a picture in my mind of the kind of
mother I wanted to be—a spiritual-teaching, hard-working, bread-baking,
beautifully-singing mother. I wanted to be part Mrs. Leugers and part
Mrs. Kessler.
And I admit it. I started out mothering
that way—minus the “beautifully singing” part—however, I did sing all
the time around the house, beautiful or not. These images stayed with me
forever, and occasionally they would pop in my mind—remember the kind
of mom you wanted to be?
I rarely bake bread these days
since we only have a couple of kids at home and my writing and teaching
are demanding of my time; however, I do remind myself often that when I
was but a child, I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be. I go back to
those ideals and look at my current situation: how am I measuring up?
Maybe
you have mental snapshots of what kind of parent you dreamed of being
when you were a little boy or girl. Or maybe your grandiose parenting
ideals stemmed from when you held your first baby in your arms—and vowed
in your heart to love him, impart God’s truths to him, be patient with
him, play with him, teach him right from wrong, and much more. Whatever
your “parenting dream” may have been—it’s never too late to go back and
be what you wanted to be—to follow your mom or dad heart.
“There are games to be played, living room football to be conquered, talks to be had, words of affirmation to be spoken, talking books to be listened to, stories to be read, lessons to be learned, foods to be cooked, lego castles to be built, crafts to be made, tales to be told, songs to be sung, and hearts to be won. Turn off the television and turn on relationships.”
Today I bring you more tips for Taming the Television. I pray that these will help you to make the most of the time you have with your children. You will never regret the hours upon hours you spend discipling, mentoring, nurtering, heart training, and playing with your kids--take it from a mama with a thirty year old! Smile...
7. Replace television with something else—you!
About thirty years ago we went to a parenting seminar in which the speaker told a story of a dad who wanted to get rid of his family’s television. His children balked at the idea. He told them that he was taking away the television but giving them something else. They asked him what this something else was, and he replied, “Me!”
Everyday his children would call him at work, anxiously awaiting his arrival home. “What are we going to do tonight, Daddy?” And each day he gave his children something far more valuable than television: he gave them himself.
Don’t just remove television, certain nights of tv viewing, or tv time without replacing it. There are games to be played, living room football to be conquered, talks to be had, words of affirmation to be spoken, talking books to be listened to, stories to be read, lessons to be learned, foods to be cooked, lego castles to be built, crafts to be made, songs to be sung, and hearts to be won. Turn off the television and turn on relationships.
8. Have the children earn television hours.
This has been suggested to us many times when we speak about time management and time with your children, so it must work well for some folks! I have heard of various ways to earn tv time—same number of hours reading as watching, getting so many minutes per chore, earning minutes by doing things on time (i.e. homework done by six equals 30 mins tv), etc.
9. Watch out for preschoolers' screen time!
This isn’t a method for controlling as much as an admonition. Your preschoolers will grow to dislike simple pleasures very quickly if they watch television and movies all day. We had a “no movie during the day period” rule most of our lives. (The exception to this was one hour of educational dvds, like Reading Rainbow, Doughnut Man, NEST videos, etc. for one hour after naps with one particularly trying child.)
Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day of television for two year olds through preschoolers and none at all for children under two. There are so many more educational, meaningful, physical, and fun things for two, three, and four year olds to do besides watching television!
We teach the concept of "setting children's tastes" in our parenting seminar--and it is so real and so true and so impacting that we want to shout it where ever we speak. Just like my two oldest kids despise pop because we "set their tastes" by not ever giving them any when they were little, so we set all of our children's tastes for continual entertainment by bombarding them with it when they are young.
10. Make a “no turning on the television without permission” rule.
I am amazed when children come into a house and turn on the television. I have seen semi-pornography on commercials for television shows many, many times when we are at someone’s house watching football or in a motel viewing television. I would never consider letting our kids have the remote control to a tv and flipping through the channels. They just see way more than they should see at their ages (or more than I want me or my husband to see!).
11. Be careful not to use television as a babysitter too much.
I know preschoolers and toddlers are demanding. I had six kids twelve and under all at home by myself twelve to fourteen hours a day every day—without television (or even computers!)! However, continually putting little ones in front of the television is simply not healthy for them. Their attention spans will not lengthen like they would if they were listening to talking books, listening to you read aloud, "baking" a play-dough pie, or building with Duplos. Use the television as a babysitter only when it is absolutely needed—and try to find other ways to entertain toddlers as much as possible.
12. Limit daytime viewing for everyone.
We always told our kids that daytime isfor learning and working—and evenings are for resting, fellowshipping, playing, and family. It is extremely hard to control the number of hours our kids watch television when they watch from seven to eight before school and again from four to six after school—to start with!
13. Pay attention to how much time children spend using all screen media.
In a study recorded in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the hours of actual screen time logged by children versus the hours that parents estimated were significantly different. In our media-driven age, we should be aware of all of our children’s media/screen time—not just television*. In order to control the amount of time our children sit in front of entertainment screens, we must be realistic and honest about the amount of time they truly are being entertained by any screen.
14. Do not put a television set in a child’s bedroom.
The aforementioned study discovered that children with televisions in their bedrooms watch significantly more television than children without. Furthermore, parents monitored television habits much less when there were many television sets in a household—and especially when the children’s rooms contained televisions.
15. Turn the television off when it is not being used for purposeful viewing.
The study previously cited found a negative association between the use of television as “background” and children’s time spent reading. Quite frankly, reading is a simple pleasure that many children do not enjoy—background noise of television is not conducive to enjoying this pasttime that takes a great deal more effort than simply viewing and listening.
16. Pinpoint other nonscreen, in-home activities that your children enjoy.
When discussing the idea of reducing television viewing time in your home, you might have a family meeting and draw up a list of other ideas of things the family can do instead of watching television. A website devoted to helping families reduce their dependence upon television, The Television Turnoff Network (http://www.televisionturnoff.org/), lists one hundred alternatives to “screen time” that parents can suggest to their children.
Family time is worth fighting for. The relationships that can be developed when some of the distractions are removed are incredible. The amazing things that we and our children can do with the time that we are not watching television are worthwhile. Don’t let your children set out to spend nearly fourteen years of their lives watching television!
*Jordan, Amy, PhD; James C. Hersey, PhD; Judith A. McDivitt, PhD; Carrie D. Heitzler, MPH. “Reducing Children's Television-Viewing Time: A Qualitative Study of Parents and Their Children.” Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Web. Feb 2010.
On Wednesdays, I usually use my crock pot for lunch--regardless of whether it is a true crock pot recipe or not. If it's not a genuine crock pot dish, I simply assemble all of the ingredients on Tuesday in the crock (with all precooking done ahead of time) and turn the crock on high for an hour then on low until, oh, say 9:00, when my thirty-year-old son who co-teaches with me all day starts to dig into it during class breaks. (I really have "crock pot Wednesday" for him as he adores soups and stews. As a matter of fact, when he was in college and that whole "Got milk?" thing was so popular, I had a t-shirt especially made for him with a steaming bowl of soup in the middle and the words "Got soup?" embroidered on it.)
Today's crock pot recipe isn't really a crock pot recipe. It came from a cookbook that a dear friend got me for Christmas: Homestyle in a Hurry (by Gooseberry Patch). But I precooked everything yesterday and threw it in the crock, stuck in the fridge, and got it out and "cooked" as described above. I guess in that way, everything becomes a crock pot meal on Wednesdays! (I teach forty students in four different classes in our cottage class service in our home on Wednesdays, and I can't watch a boiling pot, so the crock pot is my answer!)
So...here it goes...my revised, um, non-crock pot, slightly changed (always!) Kielbasa Chowder:
1/2 cup butter
1 huge onion, diced finely
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 tsp allspice (I used "Mural of Flavor")
4 huge potatoes, diced and cooked
6 cups chicken broth
2 quarts half and half
1 (14 oz) packages of frozen yellow corn
1 (14 oz) can shoepeg corn, undrained
2 (14 oz) packages Kielbasa sausage, cut into rounds then in halves (bite sized pieces)
1. Melt butter in small pan over medium high heat.
2. Stir in onions, sprinkle with seasonings, and cook until dark and carmelized, about eight minutes, stirring frequently.
3. Toss everything above into the crock pot except for the broth and half and half. Put crock in fridge overnight.
4. The next morning, get it out and add the broth and half and half. (Sometimes I will heat the ingredients I'm adding to make it heat up faster. Occasionally, I will even stick the whole crock in the micro and speed up the heat through process, then transfer to the crock base.)
5. Heat in crock on high for one hour then turn down on low until heated through/flavors are mixed, about five or six hours.
Serves 12 to 16 people--or four teen/young adult guys!
Note: The real recipe says to just combine the onions, potatoes, corn, and half and half. Divide that in two and process half of it in the food processor. I just used my old fashioned hand-held potato masher to thicken/mash up some of the ingredients.Because I skipped this step and because I put my mixture into the crock pot instead of cooking down on the stove top, I had to further thicken this soup by stirring in mashed potato flakes (my thickener of choice near the end of cooking for many soups and stews!) and microwaving the crock insert (love those removable crocks!) for several minutes uncovered.
“TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn't time for it. “ from New York Times, 1939
With so many new year's resolutions involving time--family time, controlling time, more time with those we love, less wasted time, etc., I thought I would re-work parts of a lengthy series I did on here a few years ago--this time titled "Taming the Television."
When Ray and I speak or write about allowing more time to be with your kids, we are always asked how we have so much time for our kids, especially in light of our business and ministry. And the answer lies in not where we get the time (we all get the same amount, remember), but where we allocate the time we have been given.
Thirty-two years ago this summer Ray and I were married in a little country church. The best marriage advice we received (and followed) has also become our best parenting advice: do not get a television. Somebody told us not to get a television set for the first year of marriage but instead spend time together, talking and getting to know one another, developing intimacy and romance. We took that advice—and have been “stationless” for most of the thirty-two years of our family, though we did get a vcr and eventually a dvd to watch movies. (We tried getting stations one year, but didn’t like the way it dictated our evening schedule and stole time from us. We just got a television and Netflix about a month ago--and so far, so good!)
With the advent of computers, dvd’s, i-pads, and other electronic devices, we have other things to contend with for our attention—and our entire family loves movies—however, we have found that by not being able to get television stations (via antennae, box, cable, etc.), we have gained the most-sought-after commodity: time. The latest statistic on television viewing in America is twenty-eight hours per week, per person. Even if we and our children watch three movies a week (which is a stretch many months), we still have twenty more hours every week than the “average” American.
We cannot tell people that they should get rid of television as it is all bad. Nowadays, more than ever before, there are tons of good, interesting, entertaining things to watch. Educational and informative programs abound. Good movies are available at the flip of the remote. However, one thing has stayed the same: television (and now internet or internet television) is the greatest time robber of all things that vie for our attention.
Getting rid of television programming is not an option for most people, I realize. After all, it’s an American institution! However, I propose to you that even getting control of the television could potentially yield you more time than you would know what to do with! And would give you literally hours each week to spend with your kids.
Consider the math for a moment. If a person is the “average” American watching twenty-eight hours a week of television, over an eighty year life, that person will have watched 13.29 YEARS of television—28 hours a week x 4 weeks x 80 years=116,480 hours….divided by 24 hours in each day equals 4,854 hours, which equals 13.29 years of twenty-four hour days. Imagine the relationships we could build with our children; imagine the things we could learn; imagine the good we could do—with even half of that time, say six and a half years—given to us. Makes me want to control my time just a little better!
Today and tomorrow I will give you many ideas and tips for Taming the Television--some that we have used successfully and some that we have heard of others using. Here we go:
1. Set weekly time limits.
Even with the ability to only watch movies for at least thirty of our thirty-two years, we have had to set weekly limits when it seemed that every day someone wanted to watch a movie! We have usually had the four to six hour movie rule per week—and found that this was enough for the kids to watch a thing or two that they wanted on dvd (currently Monk on dvd) and a family movie or two.
This varies with kids, too. A couple of our kids really like watching movies; our three boys recently went an entire month without watching anything, even though they were allowed to watch if they asked. Now they got a television series on dvd and have watched several hours in one week. It is the spirit of this rule—not the letter—that we try to follow. It is about being in control of your life (and teaching your kids to be in control of theirs)—not about a certain number. We balance this time out so that it is enough entertainment to enjoy being entertained, but not so much that it controls our lives.*
2. Set television days.
We had a rule for over a dozen years that other than educational dvd’s (we use some teachers on cd/dvd for school), movies could only be watched on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. I prefer the #1 idea as sometimes the children wanted to watch, watch, watch simply because it was the weekend.*
3. Decide ahead of time what programs/times/days the family will watch television each week.
Many child development experts recommend this—and call it the “family viewing schedule.” Write these programs/times on a calendar or schedule, and only turn the television on during those times. This method provides you with conscientious, purposeful viewing—not just, “Wow, we’re home, so we should turn on the television.”
4. Cover your television or put it away unless it is purposeful viewing time. We have our television on a rolling cart in my bedroom closet.
This worked for us for most of our family's life because if we had a television to watch movies on, it was not hooked up to anything to keep it in one place (i.e. cable or box, etc.). I know this might not work if you have it hooked up to receive programming, but our family loved this. We just sat in the living room and talked for hours—no television calling out to us, no “favorite programs” causing us to work around them. If you do have your television hooked up to something, you might consider having it in an armoire or other close-able cupboard. Again, the out of sight, out of mind concept works wonders, especially for younger children.
5. When you do watch movies and television, watch it together whenever possible.
This will allow you to keep tabs on what your children are seeing/hearing, but it will also create opportunities for lively discussions. We love to talk about movies that we have watched. We love to quote lines from them back and forth to each other. Watching together allows you to share the entertainment, not just passively watch shows separately.
Obviously, we cannot do this all the time. The boys were on a Psyche kick (on dvd)with one of their sisters. They only watched it when the four of them could all watch it together—and Ray and I seldom joined them. We didn’t have the time then to devote to watching it, and we knew that they were watching it together, so that worked out well.
Family viewing will be more of an event than an everyday occasion if certain shows or time slots are dedicated to family television watching or movie watching rather than just evening free-for-alls.
6. Declare certain days “tv-less days.”
If you cannot get rid of television programming all together, the “tv-less days” seems to be the next best thing to me. Decide what evenings/days are people’s least favorite days to watch something, and make those evenings no television evenings. Cover the television up—and don’t even consider turning it on. If you manage to have three evenings a week without television, you will likely cut your family’s viewing by one third, at least. Just imagine evenings together without anything distracting everybody. If you do this, follow our family’s “replacement” rule—if you’re going to take something away from your kids, replace it with something else. (More on this tomorrow!)
Well, I am out of time and space. Tomorrow I will post tips for television viewing reduction for children specifically. Same bat time. Same bat channel. (Sorry--I just couldn’t resist.)
*Note: With the ability to watch things online, watch dvd’s, stick a dvd in the laptop, etc., we have found it especially important to include all viewing in these time or day limits. Thus, the four to six hours a week includes anything they watch—unless they watch it at Grandpa’s for an overnighter or go to their brother's to watch football or something.
