“Before I knew it, it was time to set the table for lunch. Josiah and I raced to see who could get done with our jobs first. I slowed down at the end so Josiah could catch up---then I let him win! Mommy took me into her room alone and gave me a million hugs. She said she was so happy that I was learning to see how others feel—and that I make Josiah feel important. I think she’ll probably tell Daddy, and he’ll say, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!” I love it when he says that—he always has a big smile on his face and tears in his eyes when he does.”*
In looking at our chores today and tomorrow, please note that things almost always look perfect on paper. There are many days that I am tied up helping a son with his writing project first thing in the morning and the kitchen doesn’t get done the way I want it done (because I do not check chores before jumping into our morning read aloud). Days when someone accidentally hits the “fluff only” on the dryer, and we wonder all day long why neither of the boys’ loads of laundry is ready to fold and put away….and end up at six pm with undone laundry. Days when nobody starts the dishwasher during lunch clean up, and there aren’t enough spoons for dinner that evening. And on and on and on.
We just regroup and start over. Sure, sometimes I scream, “If you want anything done right around here, you have to do it yourself!” But overall, our children know that they are vital members of this family---because of the way they keep things going by all of their hard work and efforts and because they are loved and cherished just for being who they are. Chores are not an end in themselves---they are a means to an end---a well-run, organized home with everyone doing his part to make that happen.
A little bit about our family dynamics right now: As I said earlier, our chores look so different now than they did five years ago. My girls are all grown and in college or married. (Just a tidbit you might not know—girl chorers are drastically different than boy chorers! ) I used to be home more as homeschooling several children took many hours a day. With only three to homeschool—and two of those in high school and extremely independent learners—I now work most afternoons, writing, teaching, and editing. Our boys are old enough that they have entire areas—all of the laundry; all of the bathroom cleaning; all of the breakfast making—as opposed to children ten and under who have tasks, but not complete areas.
Thus, now you could say that I am a working mother/homeschooling mom who has learned to lower her expectations significantly! However, we have done the hard work of training our sons in diligence and responsibility, so we reap the fruits of much of that training (while still keeping our finger on things to be sure everything gets done). With only five of us here at home, work is fast. Furthermore, we often work together on weekly and monthly jobs (as you will see in the list below).
In a nutshell, here is what “a choring day at the reishes’” looks like:
1. We have two daily chore sessions—before breakfast chores and after lunch chores. (Back when we had so many people to feed, we had three daily chore sessions that were thirty minutes before meals—and one of the chorers made that meal. Now, everybody fends for themselves at lunch, and we have an “after lunch” session instead.) (See below for other mechanisms we have in place for other jobs.)
2. As indicated before, the first chore session has the daily must-do’s; the next one has less important tasks, and so on.
3. The chore sessions include mostly daily tasks—and a few weekly ones.
4. Most weekly work is done by all five of us during “blitzes” or other work sessions we have in the evenings or on weekends, as noted on the chart.
5. Besides the daily chore sessions, the chef for the day fixes dinner in the late afternoon/early evening. (Each son takes an evening meal—as do Dad and Mom.)
6. Besides the daily chore sessions, during the last fifteen minutes of morning reading three days a week, all three boys straighten the rooms, dust, and organize bookcases in the living room and dining room. This helps keep our main living areas less cluttery.
7. Besides the daily chore sessions, three days a week directly following morning reading, the three boys and I have what we affectionately call Maintenance Moments With Mom. These are fifteen minute periods of time in which we maintain an area through decluttering, organizing, etc. This usually ends up being my room (which doubles as a school storage/library, and thus, often has piles of books and paper work) and/or freezers/refrigerators, etc.
8. This chart does not include seasonal work. However, we have a small place and an uneventful property that does not require a lot of maintenance to keep up. (In other words, not a lot of landscaping, flowers, etc.—just a couple of hours a week by a son or two and it is done.)
9. This does not include work they do for our publishing company or our family ministry. Most of those jobs (order taking, book binding, etc.) are paid jobs. (More on teaching kids about money later; however, our kids are extremely frugal—to the point that it sometimes drives me crazy that our girls will not spend money! The boys are learning to manage money well and are extremely generous as well. I say all that to say that not paying for family chores has not hurt any of them!)
10. Nobody receives allowances for doing family work. We all work around the house because we are all members of this family. Our rewards are eating, family nights, mini vacations and field trips, books and videos, movies, plays, and other fun—but they are not linked to choring.
11. The chores listed are on a chart that the kids mark off as they complete the tasks.
12. The chore sessions listed include our new attempt at letting each person do his own hang up laundry. (Prior to this experiment, which the boys really wanted to do as they do not like the way the “little laundry lad” does their hang up clothes, the youngest who could do the job did two loads of laundry per day—one in Chore Session I and one in Chore Session II.)
13. Our house is incredibly small. We gave up a large house and property ten years ago in order for Ray to take a less demanding job to be available for our teens more. (He used to have to work sixty to seventy hours a week as a plant manager in the automotive industry.) Anyway, we clearly have half the work that most people have by simple mathematics—one shower, three bedrooms, etc. However, we have other issues that make our work harder—like that our bedroom doubles as our school room (at least where we store most school stuff), etc. That we have things stored in strange, hard-to-get-to places, etc. This makes more work—so I think it all evens out in the end!
Tomorrow I will post our chore chart (in list form; I’m not savvy enough to figure out how to post the actual chart!). Then days of appropriate jobs for different ages. Then some outstanding chore/responsibility resources. Invite your friends to join us!
*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: http://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html
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