day forty: praise your children in front of others—and praise them more than you reprimand them

“Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly.” W. Cecil

We have a saying at our house that “public praise is worth twice as much as private praise.” It is a simple reminder to, yes, praise our children—but also to praise them in front of others. I try to make it a habit—to go out of my way to tell my kids how fantastic I think they are right in front of other people.

It is not uncommon for me to say, “I am amazed at how well Josiah keeps the bathrooms clean.” Or “I could not make it without the boys taking their turns cooking dinner” etc. etc. right in front of other people--and the child I am referring to. Sometimes it will be directly in front of the “praise-worthy” child and other times it will be within earshot—and I know that child is listening.

Another praise guideline that we try to keep in mind is that of 7:1 praise to reprimand ratio. That is, we should praise and encourage our children seven times for every one time that we correct or criticize.

Not long ago, several elementary kids came into the house after having speech class in the learning center (a room in our garage in which we teach homeschooled students classes) with Ray. One of the sweet little fourth grade girls came in and said to me and her mom, “Mr. Reish has to learn to say as many good things as he does bad!” Out of the mouth of babes! We have “feedback sheets” that we use for speech class, and it is very easy to get in the habit of marking only the things that the speaker needs to work on (and not the things he or she does well) during that limited time and space. This little girl was on to something—those feedback sheets need a praise column and a “work on” column!

When our older kids were little, during family meetings we would sometimes have what we called “church of Revelation” time—a time in which we listed many of each child’s strengths for that week verbally. We made a list ahead of time and said them aloud in front of the other kids…then (the “Revelation church” part)....we listed one thing (“one thing have I against you....”) that the child needed to work on. By listing all of the good things first, the child was more receptive to hearing the one thing he should work on. It gave each child something that we wanted him or her to try to improve—but not without first praising him or her for the good things.

I will be focusing a few posts this week on praising our children. There is a lot of interesting research out there about what to praise and how to praise our children. Also, we were instructed by very wise parents twenty years ago in what and how to praise (and this advice we received jives well with the research!). Lastly, I will share some lists of praises to use for all children in various areas. Hope you will join me the rest of this week as we learn more about praising and encouraging our children—and that you will praise your kids seven times more than you correct them—and remember that public praise is worth twice as much as private praise!