day seventy-four: ingredients for intimacy instead of the recipe for rebellion

Antithesis of Rules for Rebellion: Ingredients for Intimacy

We have found a truly successful Recipe for Rebellion--with four key ingredients. We know exactly how to create the dish known as rebellious children. If the final product we desire is rebellion, we can follow this recipe, including the correct portions of those ingredients, and get a sizzling menu of rebellion--and, along with it, the inability to get into our children's hearts to train them. Likewise, the opposite ingredients of the Rules for Rebellion can be combined to create a dish known as intimate relationship.


While I am no Latin scholar by any means, I did find it interesting to learn recently that the word intimacy is related to the Latin word intimus, meaning inner/innermost. When we want to have intimate communication with our children, we are saying that we want to have innermost communication with them—an innermost relationship with them. The ingredients in the Recipe for Rebellion keep us from developing that innermost relationship with our children.


Ingredients for Intimacy are the opposite of Recipe for Rebellion. They are the ingredients in our relationship (and rule making) that will cause us to get into our children’s innermost being—their very hearts.




What do these Ingredients for Intimacy look like?


1. Logical reasons that we voice to our children frequently—with as many and as detailed explanations as are needed and appropriate.


2. Allowing response and dialogue concerning our rules for our children and our own lifestyle choices.


3. Consistency in making and applying rules (and a listening ear should our children find us in inconsistencies!)


4. Deep, heart-affecting relationships with our children—no matter how much time, discomfort, inconvenience, money, space, and US these require.


If we give our children logical reasons; let them respond to us when they disagree; be consistent in making and applying rules; and develop deep, heart-affecting relationships with them, we can create the opposite of rebellion in our homes. We will then be following the Ingredients for Intimacy--and create an atmosphere where true heart training can transpire.


Note: Join us tomorrow as I give questions to ponder (and possibly discuss with your spouse or small group, if appropriate) concerning this series on the Recipe for Rebellion. And then stay with us for a few more days of focusing on teens as I review some materials that are helpful in the spiritual, character, and intellectual training of our teens.