day fifty-five: give your children time warnings

Another Preventive Parenting strategy, which goes along with Explaining Expectations, is that of giving children time warnings. It is such a simple concept, yet one that can ward of many, many problems—especially in preschoolers or with children who are enjoying group activities.

When our older children were younger, we often had care groups, prayer meetings, homeschooling meetings, etc. in our home. People would often bring their children to these meetings, and all of the children would play together in our family room or basement (depending on which house we lived in at the time). When it was time for people to leave, they would often yell down the stairs or down the hall for their kids to clean up and come. More often than not, this would result in tear-filled, or sometimes even fit-throwing, kids.


We tried to steer the families in another direction by doing as a group what we had always done with our children: give them time warnings. Nobody likes to be interrupted—told to come right now at this very moment, regardless of what you are now doing. Children are no different! To us, they might “just” be playing; but to them, they are deeply involved in whatever it is they are doing.


Therefore, we always gave our children time warnings. “Five minutes until clean up” for when the group would have to break up and clean their messes. “Fifteen minutes until bedtime” when our children were engrossed in play and bedtime was coming upon us. “Ten minutes ‘til dinner” when kids had their school spread out all over the living room. And, the ever popular, “Twenty minutes ‘til Dad gets here” to warn everybody to get their chores done because Daddy would be home to check their work soon.


Now our kids ask us to give them time warnings. “Can you let me know fifteen minutes before we’re going to play cards, so I can end my project in plenty of time?” “Can you wake me up fifteen minutes before the first person, so I can have the shower first?”


Along with that, our children also have the liberty of asking us for more time. They might ask if they can have an extra fifteen minutes before bed because of a project they are busy working on. They might call from someone’s house and ask if they can have “an extra half an hour because they are starting another game” or “Can we stay at McDonald’s an extra twenty minutes; it took longer to clean up Bible study tonight than it usually does.” And you know what? We’re usually happy to give them the extra time. (We have always told our kids that we are happy to give them more and more freedoms as they show themselves responsible with the freedoms they currently have—more on this later!)


So much about parenting is simply treating our children the way we would want to be treated. So much about having a peaceful, love-filled home is about warding off trouble before it begins. Put the two together—treat our children well and prevent problems before they occur—and it adds up to Preventive Parenting—and specifically for today’s subject, giving our children time warnings.