day fifty-three: give your children the expectations in every situation you can

We were on our way to the first of five graduation parties in a row. All seven of the kids were loaded up, faces washed, and smiles on their faces. We were almost at the first party--and it was time to do what we had been doing ever since we became parents fifteen years earlier: verbalize our expectations of the children for the upcoming event.


"Now, remember, we have five parties in a row to get to, so we can't stay long at each one. The first two will be short, so we can make it around to the other three before they end. Do not go off and play with other kids at this first one. We are just going in, honoring JaNon, and then heading out."


We unloaded all seven children from "Big Blue," and made our way in to honor the graduate. Thirty minuteslater, we were on the road again, on to the next graduation party.

Suddenly, Josiah, age three and a half, spoke up: "We have to go back...we have to go back. I forgot to honor JaNON!"


Even three year old Josie understood the expectations for the first event: no playing; hurry but with good manners; honor the graduate. And he was truly upset that he forgot to do one of the expectations. Oh my word, he was so cute and sweet!


Our number one Preventive Parenting strategy is the topic of today's blog post: explain your expectations to children ahead of time. Explaining expectations helps children adjust their behavior to fit the expectation, wards off myriad problems, aids in avoiding anger and nagging by parents, and much, much more.


Explaining expectations isn't hard--it just requires a different mind-set. Again, rather than being a fire fighter who is constantly putting out fires, we become the builder who builds with fire repellant materials, installs fire alarms throughout, places fire extinguishers in certain places, etc. We are practicing Preventive Parenting--parenting in such a way that we prevent problems that are preventable.


This week I will be discussing Explaining Expectations more thoroughly, including, but not limited to


1. Giving time warnings to young children


2. Explaining Expectations as we travel in order to warn/prepare children for the environment and surroundings they will be in


3. Using Explaining Expectations to build family unity and sibling loyalty


4. How Explaining Expectations creates Learning Hooks for future scenarios


5. How Explaining Expectations is a teaching tool that aids in utilizing teachable moments


6. How Explaining Expectations helps you as a parent to develop your family's acceptable and unacceptable behavior and character list (or mental list)


7. How Explaining Expectations puts you in control of situations rather than situations controlling you




Start today thinking about how you can Explain Expectations in various situations. Look at the things that bug you the most today--kids not cleaning up after themselves, homework not done before tv, no help cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Can any of those things be warded off with careful and thorough Explanations of Expectations? And, of course, meticulous follow through.