Besides research agreeing with our early mentors to praise those things that the child has control over, research also indicates that giving specific praise is more beneficial than vague praises. Dr. Alexander Barzvi, a clinical psychologist specializing in children and families at New York University Child Study Center, has done extensive research on the effect of praise on children—and what type of praise is most effective.
While I do not think it takes a “study” to show us how to raise our children, when research is (1) confirmed in my experience or the experience of those around me and/or (2) in sync with Scriptural principles, and/or (3) logical enough to try, I tend to look at it more closely. In the case of Dr. Barzvi’s findings to praise children specifically for effort, it seems to meet all of my “qualifications” for examining it more closely.
First of all, I have seen through my experiences the power of praising a child specifically as he or she is learning and growing and praising for the effort the child put forth (or the resourcefulness, kindness, generosity, cleverness, wisdom, etc. exemplified) by the child. Likewise, Barzvi’s research has pointed out the need to praise particular behaviors that are positive—and that you would like to see the child continue to exemplify.
Secondly, Scripture is replete with admonitions to “do good deeds,” “show good character,” “behave in a manner pleasing to the Lord,” etc. Praising children for good character, very specifically, seems to be in sync with how the Bible teaches us to live—with godly character. So it follows that we would want to train our children by praising virtuous behaviors in a way that they can relate to, understand, and act on.
Thirdly, it is logical. I respond to specific advice and praise. Adults don’t like vague, flattering words—so I assume kids do not either!
Of course, this kind of praise requires more than a mere “Great job!” It requires description. Descriptive, specific praise is a teaching tool. It not only shows your approval of the child’s actions, but it also gives him something to watch for in the future--and ideas about proper behaviors.
I use descriptive praise with my writing students in our homeschool cottage classes all of the time—and it is not only an encouragement and teaching tool for the student being praised, but it is also a teaching tool for his or her classmates. For example, last week, as everybody’s rough draft reports were circulating for peer editing, I said, “Raquel, your transitions were amazing!” Then I proceeded to read some of them aloud, point out how some were at the beginning of the new paragraph and some were at the end of the previous one, etc. As her report circulated, I am sure her peers were paying special attention to those transitions. If they were good for Raquel, I want to learn how to do it too!
Then, in another class, I asked, “Who has the orange pen today?” And when the student raised her hand, I commented that her editing was so thorough and helpful this week. Again, this praise was specific—thorough, helpful editing. It was also descriptive; the student knew just what she did that pleased me. Likewise, her peers knew that they should move their editing up a notch, work a little harder on their critiques, etc.
With my own kids, I try to do the same thing. Not just “good homework,” but “your penmanship is so neat on this page; that looks awesome!” Not just “good work on the laundry,” but “you don’t know how much I appreciate your hanging my sweaters fronts facing out—thanks for paying attention to the details and being so diligent!” (Yes, our kids do laundry!) Not just, “thanks for driving the boys to church,” but “I appreciate you driving the boys to church and always being so careful and wise when you drive.”
Descriptive, specific, character-based, process-focused, in the child’s-ability-to-control praise. Let’s all give it a try today!
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