Why a Resolution With the Word MORE in It Will Likely Not Be Met

I recently looked up top resolutions for the new year—and saw some interesting lists. They were the typical ones you would expect—lose weight, exercise, get out of debt, eat more healthfully, spend time with family, etc.

But what struck me most was the recurring use of the word MORE.

+Exercise MORE

+Spend MORE time with family

+Get MORE organized

+Pay off MORE bills

+Cook MORE healthy foods

What exactly does a resolution that has the word MORE in it even mean?

MORE than what? By what measuring stick? How will you know when you have achieved it?

Resolutions that contain the word MORE will likely not be realized simply because they are too general, too abstract, too non-checkable—if that were a word.

Any change—be it a New Year’s resolution or a beginning of the school year plan or a new family schedule must be quantitative in order to be met. In other words, there has to be some sort of method by which the resolver can see whether or not the resolution, plan, habit, or schedule has been met.

My husband and I are problem solvers—both of us. Sometimes we butt heads because he has an idea to solve a problem at the same time that I have another, albeit superior, idea. Smile... More often than not, though, the fact that we are both problem solvers has not been a negative but rather an amazing way to propel us to accomplish goals for our family.

In our problem solving, we have had to be extremely specific in what the steps to success were—no use of the words MORE, better, less, fewer etc.

Rather than saying that we would read the Bible or worship with the kids MORE, we said that we would have devotions more often than we didn’t. (This was one of our favorite benchmarks for many good things with our kids through the year--more often than not!)

Rather than saying that Ray would meet with our boys MORE to mentor them, we said that he would meet once a week per boy—or once a month per boy—or whatever the goal was.

Rather than saying that I would read with a new reader MORE, I said that I would read two times a day with the new reader—right after breakfast while the olders cleaned the kitchen and right before I began dinner preparations (with another older!).

The other thing we have found in our quest to be problem solvers is that we can’t solve too many problems all at the same time! In our parenting seminar, Raising Kids With Character,” we encourage parents to choose one or two things from each session that really spoke to them—one or two things that they want to implement or utilize right away in their homes. This keeps parents who have just sat through six hours of parenting lectures from being so overwhelmed that they are unable to implement any of the tips and strategies.

Throughout our thirty-one years of parenting, we have tried to tackle one problem or aspect of our family that needed changed per week (and later one per month or so). We sat down together and decided what one thing we would work on—and exactly how we would work on it (without using those taboo words of MORE, better, etc.!).

Sometimes we want lots of changes immediately! We are so quick to see the areas in our family that need work—and maybe there are many areas that we need to work on (we could always think of many!)….but if we set out to change everything all at one time, we will seldom change anything.

If you have a dozen things you would like to work on this year, consider doing one per month—and really dedicate a month to making that one thing happen…with a plan of attack that is measurable and concrete and doable. Then when that one is realized, add another the following month and so on.

Too many resolutions and too many vague words are both enemies of real change and problem solving. So try to make FEWER resolutions and keep them BETTER! Smile….

Christmas Tradition: "White Christmas" movie and White Spaghetti

 For Christmas, we love to have shrimp! We start out at the end of November having shrimp cocktail and breaded shrimp for our family decorating night. Then we move into the first week of December or so and have Shrimp Alfredo for our White Christmas movie night. (It started out as White Spaghetti and White Christmas...get it?) Then for Christmas Eve, we bring out the cocktail shrimp again.

Then our shrimp days are over. We literally do not have shrimp any other time of year...sadness. Too many teens and young adults and boys and hearty eaters and....well, that equals a lot of shrimp, which equals a lot of money!

So, this is our holiday recipe. However, it is almost as good made with boneless, skinless chicken breast too!


'

                      Shrimp (or Chicken) Alfredo

4 to 6 lbs shrimp (or chicken tenders)
2 or 3 sticks of butter
Italian seasoning
garlic and wine seasoning
black pepper
minced garlic
parsley
oregano
salt
3 lbs fettucini (sp?)
12 oz cream cheese
1 pint half and half
1 pint whipping cream
16 oz (up to 2 lbs, if wanted--don't use powdered Parmesan!) Italian finely shredded cheese blend (all white)


Serves 16


1. Boil pasta until al dente.

2. Melt butter and add seasonings (not sure of amounts--we just keep adding and tasting!)

3. Detail shrimp (defrost first) and drain/blot with paper towel.

4. Stir fry the shrimp in large skillet in the butter and lots of seasonings. (We do four batches.) Make this as if you were making garlic chicken tenders or shrimp scampi--you want the meat well-seasoned. We hate it when it tastes like pasta with white sauce and boiled chicken or shrimp! ;)

5. Drain the pasta and add the cream cheese and white cheese and stir until they are melted.

6. Add half and half, whipping cream, and shrimp/butter mixture to pasta/cheese mixture. Add lots more yummy seasonings!

7. Stir until yummy and heated through.

Happy July 4th: Review "The American Patriot's Alamanac: Daily Readings on America"

Our favorite patriotic "devotional"! Our two sons, ages fifteen and eighteen, asked me to get this back out for this summer's reading since we haven't done it for two years now. I LOVE this book. Short readings--about 5 to 10 minutes each, plus "This day in history list" for each day. So inspiring!

You might be familiar with one of the authors, William J. Bennett, from his amazing story collection, "Book of Virtues" (a great read aloud book for families with multi ages of children and even older children!). He has done it again in this wonderful 365 excerpt patriotic book!

If you homeschool, you want this book! If you homeschool and you are doing American history this year, you definitely want this book! :)



"American History Parade" pg. 235 (Today in history)

1776 The Continental Congress adopts the Declaration of Independence

1802  The US Military Academy opens at West Point, NY

1826 John Adams, age ninety, and Thomas Jefferson, age eight-three die

1831 James Monroe, fifth US President, dies at age seventy-three

1959 A forty-ninth star is added to the flat to represent the new state of Alaska

1960 A fiftieth star is added to the flat to represent the new state of Hawaii

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1595552677/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=3645543865&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=785661502302869156&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_43w248wo4x_e

Popular Cheese Ball

4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese

8 oz cream cheese

1 jar Kraft Old English cheese spread

1/4 tsp parsley

1/4 tsp onion salt

1/8 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp worcestershire sauce

1/2 green pepper chopped finely (or more or less)

a few green onions chopped finely (or more or less)



1. Cream the cream cheese in mixer. 

2. Add Old English cheese spread and mix it.

3. Add all seasonings and chopped veggies.

4. Add shredded cheese and mix until shape-able.

5. You can shape now if not too soft or refrigerate and shape later and roll in nuts or bacon bits or ham bits. 



People LOVE this cheeseball!

Scotcharoos

6 cups of Rice Krispies

1 C light karo syrup
1 C sugar
1 1/2 C peanut butter
6 oz. butterscotch chips
6 oz. chocolate chips

1. Pour Rice Krispies into large pan.

2. In saucepan, mix Karo and sugar. Bring just barely to a boil, stirring constantly. 

3. When it just starts to boil, add peanut butter and mix it in.

4. Take mixture off the heat and pour over Rice Krispies. Mix together.

5. Spray 9 x 13 baking dish with cooking spray.

6. Press mixture into pan, but do not pack down too hard.

7. Melt chocolate chips and butterscotch chips on medium heat in microwave, stirring every thirty seconds. Do not overheat!

8. Spread melted chips over bars. 

9. Cool and cut.

Six Ways My Husband Makes Me a Better Mother

Family vacation to Disney World in 2003

I love being a mother! I have loved every stage of it--from being pregnant to having a son turn thirty this year! Reflecting on motherhood is something most mothers do on this special day known as Mother's Day. This reflection, coupled with my husband and I working on many parenting presentations lately for our parenting seminar ("Raising Kids With Character") and for homeschooling conventions, has led me to this blog post. 

We mothers need all of the help and support that we can get in order to do our jobs. When I look at my mothering, I realize that the greatest support and help that I have had throughout the years has come from my husband. I don't say this lightly or as a cliche'. I truly mean this.

Here are six ways that my husband has helped me to be a better mother, ways in which he has invested in my life and the life of our family that have resulted in my having the time, confidence, strength, inspiration, and vision to do what I do every day.


1. Giving great value to what I do

When I had five kids ten and under, the days were long and hard. I remember feeling like a failure many evenings when Ray walked through the door. At that time, he would take me by the hand, lead me to couch, and ask me questions that gave worth to my day: "Did you read the Bible to the kids today? Did you rock the baby? Did you do story time? Did you meet the kids' needs? Did you spend time with the kids?"

When I answered yes to these things, he would say, "Then you did exactly what you were supposed to do today. The other things don't matter."

Suddenly, the dishes in the sink and the unfinished lesson plans seemed insignificant. He had truly brought worth to my day, to my efforts, to my life.

This is one small example of how my husband, year after year, has given great value and worth to what I do. How he has always made my job as a mother, a homeschooler, and even a homemaker feel important and worthy. And this has made me a better mother.





2. Seeing needs and meeting them

My husband's primary love language is serving. I have always felt especially blessed to be married to someone who has "servant" as his native tongue. As a servant, he has never been able to just see things around the house or with the kids that need done and leave them. He believes, and has taught our children to believe, that if you "see a need, you should meet it."

In practical terms, this means that dishes, trash, laundry, picking up, cooking, bathing, putting kids to bed, tutoring kids at night, etc., were always jobs that Ray picked up the slack on. 

I can remember when company would be at our house on Sunday night, and as they left, we always started scurrying around to clean the house, etc. One night a guest suggested that since it was Sunday, we could just leave the work for Monday. Ray quickly answered that "the ox is in the ditch."

 After the company left, Ray explained to the kids: "The ox in the ditch means that it is okay to work on Sunday if the ox is in the ditch, and you need to pull it out. When the house is a mess on Sunday night, and we leave it like that for Mommy on Monday morning, we are leaving the ox in the ditch."

By seeing needs and meeting them, besides teaching our children a spiritual truth, Ray has also helped me have time for important heart training, homeschooling, and outreaches that I would not have had time for. And this has made me a better mother.




3. Helping me not to over-schedule

This one has been met with limited success (but not for lack of Ray trying!). I can remember fifteen years ago when I had six kids in school and more work than I felt I could humanly handle, Ray sat down with me with little sticky notes and a large piece of tag board. Before "Managers of Their Home" and other scheduling programs were even popular, Ray was laying out my day on sticky notes in thirty minute increments!

He tried then, and continues to try, to tame my overzealous tendencies. He laid blank sticky notes throughout the day in strategic locations--telling me that I HAD to put in thirty minutes of flex time here and there. I always tried to put too much into each day and was often frustrated that things didn't go as well in any given day as I had hoped it would, based on my tight schedule with little flex time.

There are countless other times in which Ray has tried to help me not to over-schedule. When I listened to him, my schedule went more smoothly. Bless his heart, he is still trying to reign me in schedule-wise. :) And this has made me a better mother.



4. Focusing more on relationship than role


So many husbands, in trying to lead their family according to their interpretation of Scripture, spend a great deal of time focusing on everybody's "roles." This often results in a hierarchy-emphasis that does not lead to the husband as the servant leader, but only as the leader.

Ray is confident in his role as head of our family. He doesn't need to remind his family of it. He doesn't need to focus his attention on his headship. He doesn't need to flex his leadership muscle.

Instead, he has always focused on relationship--his relationship with me, his relationship with his children. He focuses on meeting our needs rather than on guarding his position. And guess what? His attention on relationship and meeting our needs continues to cause us to respect his role.

An attention to relationships has resulted in greater heart-reaching and heart training of our children than i could have ever imagined--both by Ray and by me. And this has made me a better mother.




5. Loving me as Christ loved the church


Ray has always taken the analogy of "loving his wife as Christ loved the church" seriously. As he sees it, when a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, he will give everything for her. He will not seek for his own gain or his own needs. He will instead love selflessly.

In practical terms, this means that he gives me his time and attention. It means date nights, one-on-one time, long discussions, and lots of ballroom dancing. Obviously, we haven't always been able to have evenings out, and we certainly didn't ballroom dance while we had a houseful of little kids, but he has always sought to love his wife selflessly. And this has made me a better mother.






6. Being available

One of Ray's favorite "parenting stories" that he shares in our seminar is that of Absalom, who, the Bible tells us, "stole the hearts of the people of Israel." Scripture doesn't say that he did anything fantastic to win the people. It only says that every day he stood by the gate and heard the people's complaints and needs. 

In Ray's words, "Absalom was available." We both believe that if we want to win our children's hearts; if we want to be their primary influencers; if we want to be the ones they come to when they are facing difficulties, we must make ourselves available to them, much like Absalom did to the people of Israel.

Even when Ray worked sixty hours a week in the automotive industry (fifteen years ago, before he took a "normal" job to be available more to our family), he still "waited at the gate" every day--making himself available to me and the kids. And this has made me a better mother.


Six key things that have had significant impacts on my parenting. For me, these things, day in and day out and year in and year out, have truly helped me to be a better mother. And this Mother's Day, I am more grateful than ever.

Graduation Time: Butterfinger Dessert

It's graduation time around here again! Sixth graduate from Training for Triumph Family Academy in twelve years--with only one to go as of a couple of weeks from now! While graduation is a lot of stress and work, it is also a joyful time as we reminisce, put together photograph slide shows, work on scrapbooks, plan the graduate's favorite foods for his party, and just celebrate the wonderful person that the graduate is!

I am using Pinterest to start collecting and organizing my recipes. We always use a lot of tried and true favorites to start with then add to the menu. This year Josiah wants a Nacho Bar/Taco Salad Bar, and I am all for that because it is easier than making up individual sandwiches, potatoes, side dishes, etc. Get it all ready and put it out for everybody to build their own! I will post my meat recipes for that as it gets closer.

In the meantime, here is one of the desserts we will have there--assuming it tastes as good as it looks. (We are testing it out at our ballroom dance tonight!) It is super easy, and we can make it in little individual plastic cups/bowls to put on the dessert table, which is super fun to create.

I got the recipe from Key Ingredient, and it was low fat and low sugar. I like to serve the real thing when I have parties or take things to events, assuming that the people there want something that looks ooey, gooey, and yummy to taste ooey, gooey, and yummy too! :) So here is my version of it.


12 oz prepared angel food cake, cut into 1" cubes
3 small packages of butterscotch pudding, instant
4 cups milk
1 (16 oz) tub of whipped topping, thawed in fridge
18 fun sized Butterfinger candy bars, chopped (sons like to do this with a mallet in a zip lock bag)



1. Prepare pudding with milk and refrigerate for at least fifteen minutes (longer is fine).

2. Spray 9 x 13 glass baking dish with cooking spray and sprinkle half of the angel food cake cubes over the bottom of the pan. (Note: This is heaping for a 9 x 13 pan--do not plan to cover it. Next time, I might do a jelly roll or a 9 x 13 and an 8 x 8.... or at the very least use a deep foil pan if I don't care about aescetics!)

3. Fold whipped topping into pudding with rubber spatula. (Do not use a mixer or whisk or your whipped topping may become liquid.)

4. Pour half of the whipped topping/pudding mixture over the angel food cake cubes.

5. Sprinkle half of the Butterfinger candy over the pudding mixture.

6. Repeat layers, ending with candy.

St. Patrick's Day Pistachio Cake

I made the guys a St. Patrick's Day Pistachio Cake tonight. I actually made two--one for the guys and one to take to a dance tomorrow night. I got the recipe from Just a Pinch and revised it a little. The guys gave it rave reviews! And it was simple! Happy Saint Patrick's Day! St. Patrick's Day Pistachio Cake Cake ingredients: 1 box yellow cake mix 3 eggs 1 cup oil 1 box instant pistachio pudding 1 cup milk 1 cup chopped pecans Icing ingredients: 1 8 oz carton of whipped cream cheese 1 cup powdered sugar 1 small box pistachio pudding 1/4 to 1/2 cup milk 8 oz carton of cool whip 1. Mix cake ingredients and bake cake in 9 x 13 baking dish sprayed with cooking spray for 25 to 30 minutes. 2. Make icing by whipping cream cheese with mixer then adding powdered sugar and pistachio pudding. Finish it by folding in milk and cream cheese with spatula (do not beat cool whip with mixer or it will liquify). 3. Ice cooled cake. Store cake in refrigerator.

Easy One-Pot Shrimp Alfredo

 For Christmas, we love to have shrimp! We start out at the end of November having shrimp cocktail and breaded shrimp for our family decorating night. Then we move into the first week of December or so and have Shrimp Alfredo for our White Christmas movie night. (It started out as White Spaghetti and White Christmas...get it?) Then for Christmas Eve, we bring out the cocktail shrimp again.

Then our shrimp days are over. We literally do not have shrimp any other time of year...sadness. Too many teens and young adults and boys and hearty eaters and....well, that equals a lot of shrimp, which equals a lot of money!

So, this is our holiday recipe. However, it is almost as good made with boneless, skinless chicken breast too!


'

                      Shrimp (or Chicken) Alfredo

4 to 6 lbs shrimp (or chicken tenders)
2 or 3 sticks of butter
Italian seasoning
garlic and wine seasoning
black pepper
minced garlic
parsley
oregano
salt
3 lbs fettucini (sp?)
12 oz cream cheese
1 pint half and half
1 pint whipping cream
16 oz (up to 2 lbs, if wanted--don't use powdered Parmesan!) Italian finely shredded cheese blend (all white)


1. Boil pasta until al dente.

2. Melt butter and add seasonings (not sure of amounts--we just keep adding and tasting!)

3. Detail shrimp (defrost first) and drain/blot with paper towel.

4. Stir fry the shrimp in large skillet in the butter and lots of seasonings. (We do four batches.) Make this as if you were making garlic chicken tenders or shrimp scampi--you want the meat well-seasoned. We hate it when it tastes like pasta with white sauce and boiled chicken or shrimp! ;)

5. Drain the pasta and add the cream cheese and white cheese and stir until they are melted.

6. Add half and half, whipping cream, and shrimp/butter mixture to pasta/cheese mixture. Add lots more yummy seasonings!

7. Stir until yummy and heated through.


Serves twelve hungry people!

Valentine's Day--Party With Your Kids (All the Time!)

 When we had Valentine’s parties (or any “holiday” party) with our kids, we always did it a few days after the holiday—so we could get the candy and treats for 50-75% off! So…if you are reading this after the "real" holiday, it really isn’t too late to have a party with your kids for Valentine’s Day!

One of the things that we tried to do with our kids for celebrations (or just “anytime parties”) is that we tried to go out of our way to make being with Mom, Dad, and brothers, and sisters cool. Our kids see us go to great lengths to prepare for a Sunday school class party, Mary Kay party, or extended family party. We put thought and effort into having “parties” with our kids—so they wanted to stay home and party with their family--and so that they would know that they are as important (more so!) than the Sunday school class, the gals at the make up party, or the reunion.

We have fond memories of communion nights, footwashings, Valentine parties, Easter celebrations, fondue parties, “flat top grill” parties, and more with our children. Being in our family was just plain fun and way cool! Some times we would just announce to the kids that “tonight, we’re having a movie party” or “tonight, we’re having a chocolate party” or “tonight, we’re having a game party.”

It may have been as simple as frozen pizza and a movie or as elaborate as a fondue meal that Mom and the littles spent the afternoon preparing for. It may have been for a holiday (after the holiday!) or just because we wanted our kids to stay home with us on a Saturday night instead of running around with friends. (We’re not opposed to friends, but the more time we spent with our kids the more WE would influence them rather than peers influencing them.)

I will list some ideas for a homemade Valentine’s Party—some that we have done and some that I have read about or heard of.

1. Write love notes to each other. Okay..I can write this one without crying…I really can. Some of my fondest memories are the times that we sat down and had the kids write notes to each other. Okay…forget the not crying thing. Talk about incredibly sweet and memory-imbedding! We drew names and sat down and listened to the true Valentine’s story on cassette (Adventures in Odyssey) and wrote love notes to each other. I still have some of them! We had the little kids dictate to us. One of the funniest ones: one of the little boys wrote, “Dear Kayla, I love you so much because you have skinny arms.”

2. Have fun foods! This is especially important as your kids get older. After all, what do they have when they go out with friends or to youth group? Pizza, Taco Bell, mall snacks. As our kids got older, we got more elaborate with our party foods. When the two oldest girls were college age and crazy about Flat Top Grill when it first opened in Fort Wayne, one of our Valentine’s parties was a flat top grill night. (It was tons of work to prepare for, but the older kids loved this!) We had meats, veggies, and pita breads all ready—and had griddles and electric skillets all set up on the table. It was quite the feast!

3. Do something for others. Preparing Valentine’s cookie baskets or bath baskets for nursing home residents, etc. is a great way to spend a party—and helps others too.

4. Wait until after the holiday to have your party, so you can get some cool party treats for fifty to seventy-five percent off! With seven children, buying elaborate Easter baskets or Valentine’s hearts was usually out of the question. However, after the holiday, we could go get things for a lot less and still give them special treats.

5. Spend your Valentine’s Day showing love to those less fortunate. For the past several years, we have spent time on or around Valentine’s Day serving a Valentine’s banquet (and sometimes cooking it or helping to cook it) for adults with cognitive disabilities through our daughter’s disability ministry (One Heart). We often do things to prepare for it (cookie making, set up, preparing a special drama, etc.) then serve at it. Valentine’s Day is about love…and what better way to show love than to live out Luke fourteen.

6. Get a special movie, audio, or talking books to listen to or watch together for your Valentine’s party. We love Adventures in Oddysey and other radio dramas put out by Focus on the Family; the Christian bookstore (and Hallmark) have some good movies about unconditional love, etc. that are appropriate for this holiday.

7. Write various verses about love on large hearts cut of construction paper, cut each one in half in various zig-zags, mix them up, and pass out a half a heart to each person. That person then finds his other half, reads, the verse, and discusses it with the family.

8. Sing Scripture songs about love. Once we had piano players around here, we loved to gather around the piano and sing. None of us is too musical (except the two pianists), but we all loved it anyway.

Party with your kids—and make them want to stay home more!

Mistletoe--For More Than Just Kissing--a Reminder of Peace

"Then I thought of the mistletoe—hanging above the entrance to a home—right there in the doorway where all family members must pass to enter. And how we can use mistletoe this holiday season to remind us to “disarm ourselves, embrace, and refrain from combat.”




During our “holiday tradition” reading this year, I was reminded of the many characteristics of the mistletoe. I’ve always been a mistletoe fan—if my “mistletoe-ee” is nearby, of course. It hasn’t always been such a good thing—and the plant itself has some extremely negative traits. However, we can use the mistletoe for good by following the tradition of soldiers centuries ago.

The mistletoe is known as a “taker” and not a “giver.” It is a parasite that lives on the very life of another plant, causing the slow destruction of this host. The strange thing, however, is that once the “host plant” dies, the mistletoe dies as well.

Early settlers enjoyed decorating for Christmas with the mistletoe because of its decorative flowers and attractive berries. It grows in late November and stays green throughout the winter—all the way until spring. Back in those days, there were no other green plants available in winter to use as decorations.

Of course, we are all familiar with the common use for mistletoe—as a gathering spot beneath for kissing. Obviously, this can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. For years, our kids thought it was so cute to cart what looked like mistletoe around and hold it above Mom or Dad to illicit kisses between us. That is a good use for it! However, the obvious bad use is the promoting of promiscuity among those who have no business kissing.

The most interesting thing about mistletoe to me this year, and the reason for this post at all, is the custom from centuries ago that caused temporary peace to reign. This custom required enemies who met under a clump of mistletoe to disarm themselves, embrace, and refrain from combat for the remainder of the day.

Immediately upon reading that this year I thought of family members who are at war with one another. I thought of grown kids who are less than friendly with their very own parents. I thought of adult siblings who are not on speaking terms. And on and on. And I thought of our responsibility as Christians to not allow this brokenness to continue.

Then I thought of the mistletoe—hanging above the entrance to a home—right there in the doorway where all family members must pass to enter. And how we can use mistletoe this holiday season to remind us to “disarm ourselves, embrace, and refrain from combat.” We can use the simple mistletoe as our cue to enter with peace in our hearts, kindness on our tongues, and love in our souls. Furthermore, we can teach this to our children—that God calls us to live peaceably with all men, when it is in our power, and that Christmas time is the best time to re-invite that peace into our hearts and spread it to those family members whom we might not have always had peace with.

Holiday Musings

A few years ago I wrote a “Holiday Musings” article for Training for Triumph’s newsletter. It has a lot of the same ideals that you will find in this blog—in season and out of season! However, I want to share it with you this Christmas. I pray that you will be moved and encouraged by it.





                                                       “Holiday Musings”
                                                               by Donna Reish






I love Christmas! I love giving gifts to my children; I love lights and beautiful decorations; I love doing family activities over and over again every year; I love baking goodies and giving them away. I even have a verse to substantiate my desire to give good gifts to my kids at Christmas time: “If ye, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your father, which is in heaven, give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:11). I mean, God knows that even we mere mortals love to give good gifts to our kids!




Although all of the things in my “I love” list above are somewhat “unspiritual,” we have found through the years there are some common threads that we try to emphasize/do during the Christmas holiday—some to remember and ponder what Christ has done for us more fully; some to deepen our relationships with each other; some to show Christ’s love to the world. Allow me to give you a list of my holiday musings.






1. Think about, talk about, sing about, and remember the true reason for Christmas as a family throughout the month. 

We have found many things that help us focus on the birth of Christ more and more throughout December: singing carols together; reading Christmas picture books with the littles in the afternoons; collecting nativity scenes; reading from chapter books that emphasize the birth of Christ, such as Max Lucado’s Cosmic Christmas, Gene Edwards’ The Birth, and Marjorie Holmes’ Two From Galilee; going to community events that point us back to the reason for the season, such as Christmas plays, live nativities, walks through Bethlehem, Christmas cantatas, movies, and plays that emphasize the coming of the Savior.




2. Create family traditions. 

We have too many holiday traditions to list in just one short article, but research has born out the importance of traditions in building a child’s outlook on many things—and it is so obvious when you hear children talk and repeat that mantra: “We always…” There is something about being able to say that "We always ..." or "In our family, we… "

 Two of our favorite traditions are decorating the house together and reading inspirational Christmas stories throughout the month of December. Our older kids laugh until they cry as they give play-by-plays of each ornament making ordeal we have gone through. (Our tree is decorated with only home made ornaments—another tradition we have is that of making ornaments together.) Anyway, they have a joke of holding up the sample ornament (one that I bought that we were modeling after) and holding up one of ours and chiming, “Sample ornament; Reish ornament” over and over. Then they tell about the time I threw the cinnamon sticks across the room in a fit of Christmas stress as we tried to make the “ornaments in a minute” out of cinnamon sticks. Then we all laugh some more—and I try my best to keep from crying as I think about Christmases gone by—and wonder where the years have gone and long for just a day from a Christmas ten or fifteen years ago.






Traditions do not have to be elaborate or expensive. Some of ours (besides the decorating night and ornament making) are as simple as watching certain Christmas movies while we wrap gifts; eating shrimp alfredo while we watch White Christmas; reading about holiday traditions each morning; learning a new carol together each year (all the verses!); having the kids exchange their gifts with each other on Christmas Eve; reading inspirational stories each night before bed; reading one of the Gospels during the month of December; etc.






3. Think about Jesus’ entire life—his birth, life, death, and resurrection—not just his birth. 

Linking the Christmas story to the fact that without it we would have no hope of salvation is important, especially with younger children. Two ways that we do this include discussing, reading about, and singing about the names of Christ and what they mean throughout the month; and reading one of the Gospels—not just the Christmas story—during December. This helps us focus on our salvation even more. (Another thing we have done to focus on Jesus’ entire life is to listen to Focus on the Family’s radio theatre “The Luke Reports.” I will put links to some excellent resources throughout December, so check back frequently!)




4. Reach out to those less fortunate—and do so in a way that costs you and your children something.

 I know that doesn’t sound very “Christmasy”—good cheer and mistletoe and all (btw, I love mistletoe if the right “mistletoe-ee” is around!), but taking a can to a canned food drive or parents buying gifts for the children to leave at the angel tree are not sacrifices for our children—and do not do much to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas—and the true meaning of sacrificial giving.


When I speak of reaching out to those less fortunate, I am talking about giving up time (a few evenings or days?) and money (money with which a child could buy himself something). I’m talking about doing hard things. I’m talking about getting dirty, being inconvenienced, etc. I know that sounds strange, but honestly, what could we possibly do or give that would be too much for our Lord? Find true, meaningful service projects for your children—extensive time spent at a nursing home or group home caroling, making cookies with residents, reading to them, etc.; earning money to be used to give gifts to truly poor or forgotten people (like county home residents or the disabled); going out into the homes of people who never have a Christmas visitor; serving food at a soup kitchen; cleaning mattresses at a rescue mission. Focus on others more than ever before this Christmas—your children will thank you for it eventually. (For the new year, read the stories written by the author of Mandate for Mercy (also the founder of the Mercy Ship ministry) about how his mom made his family squeeze together in the car every week to pick up poor and desperate people to take them to church—and the impact this had on this man causing him to spend his life on the poor and desolate—this is the kind of reaching out we are purporting here.)




5. Reach out to your relatives.

 Yes, those strangers who are watching "bad" things on television the whole family get together while puffing away on their cigarettes. Teach your children to go to family get togethers to serve—not to judge. Start out teaching your children about this concept of serving relatives with a Bible study (ahead of time) on “being great in God’s kingdom by serving” and “doing for others asking nothing in return” and “being a light by your good works.” 

Then, if it is true, tell your children that you have been more concerned about yourself than you have of others at past family get togethers. And that you want your entire family to change all of that. That you want to “do your good works that others would glorify your father in heaven.” Discuss ways that you can do this during this holiday season: working harder to make good dishes to the gatherings (no lentil casserole, please—bless these people with fat and sugar!); helping with young cousins; encouraging grandparents; helping to set up and take down; being kind to each other as an example of family unity to those who might not have any idea what that looks like. 

(Note: Because I always get asked this, I will put a caveat here—I am not talking about reaching out to relatives in any way that would put your children in danger. We recommend that your children never be left with non-Christians and never be put in situations in which they could be harmed.)




6. Really talk to others this holiday season. 

Your ministry of bringing your relatives to Christ will begin not with your family’s judgment of them, but with your interest and concern for their lives in general. Jeff Myers, leadership specialist, founder of Passing the Baton, and current president of Summit Ministries (as of 2012),  gives the following list of things to discuss this year with relatives young and old. Some are one-on-one types of discussions while others would work well for group discussions**:






Express thanks to someone in the room for something they did for you.


"I'm thankful for..." Finish the sentence.


If you could have the attention of the whole world for 30 seconds, what would you say?


One thing I'm thankful for about our country.


What is the key to success in life? Why do you say that?


Tell about a lesson you learned the hard way.


What are some ways life is different now than in the old days?


Tell a story of a decision your ancestors made that changed the direction of their lives-and yours.


Tell about a lesson you learned by watching someone else.


"A person I would like to honor publicly is..."


"Time and money aside, I would rather be..."


Tell about an experience that changed you for the better.


Tell a story about something that started out bad but had a happy ending.


"My first hero was _________."

Tell about a time when you showed courage.


Describe a teacher who had a significant influence on your life.


Tell about an invention that made your life easier.


"The most admired public figure when I was growing up was ____." Tell a story.


Tell about a memorable event in your life.


"A famous person I've met is _____." Tell about the experience.


"I got in so much trouble..." Tell the story!


(www.passingthebaton.readyportal.net/page/68289/;jsessionid=6rj638as0ohf7 )




**Note: These are good to print off and use as dinner discussion for your immediate family, too!






6. Express genuine gratefulness to God and others. 

December is a month to really display the quality of gratefulness—and to teach your children to do so too. Not just mere ”thank-you’s”—but sincere thanksgiving to God for His Son and for others for everything they do for us. Teaching children to say thank-you, write thank-you notes, etc. is a start. However, gratefulness begins with the realization that everything good we have comes from the hand of God. That we are nothing without Him. And that He knows what we need more than we do. It is deepened when we give up materialism—the idea that we have to have this or that in order to be happy—and focus instead on the good things God has done for us. Thoughts on materialism would require an entire article in itself, but when we have to have things to make us happy, when our mood and outlook change as a result of getting more and more, or when we cannot be happy in whatever situation we are in (materially speaking), we are probably steeped in materialism. Praying through this, sharing with our family the importance of giving up our ideas that we somehow deserve this or that, focusing on gratefulness for all that God has done for us outside the material things we are lacking—these are ways to feel and exhibit true gratefulness.






7. Spend quality time reaching into your children’s hearts. 

That’s a tough one, huh? I mean, the busiest time of the year, and we have to add another thing to the list. I remember vividly eighteen years ago when I had five kids ten and under. I still had younger siblings at home who would come and spend a lot of Christmas week with us. I made four Christmas dinners in a row for various relatives. I got up early in the morning to make home baked bread and rolls and went to bed late at night to get the overnight breakfast casseroles in the oven. I get tired just thinking about it. I was trying to serve others, but found myself distanced from my kids by the time the holiday week was over. I can remember looking at Joshua, then ten, one evening after the relatives had all left, and calling him over to ”sit in Mommy’s rainbow” (my bent legs as I lay on the sofa)—and he seemed so far away. I had been with him all week—I was usually with my older kids all the time as they did not have any older siblings to take them anywhere like my littles now have! However, I felt so far from him. I had let the busy-ness of Christmas keep me from those I love the most. Now I have to remind myself that one more home made goody or one more shopping day is not worth distancing myself from my children. Stay close. It’s Christmas!




This Christmas I pray that all of us can ”keep Christmas” in a way that glorifies God and teaches our children deep Christmas truths.


*Copyright TFT 2008

Christmas Story for You: "The Burglar's Christmas"

Last week I posted a link to a favorite Christmas story (“Gift of the Magi”) that is available online in its entirety. I hope you and your family enjoyed reading that together!

Today I am thrilled to provide a link to another favorite, though lengthier one, by Willa Cather (author of “Oh Pioneers” and “My Antonia”) entitled “The Burglar’s Christmas.” It is rather long and may even require two reading sessions, but it is an incredibly heart-warming story of reconciliation, forgiveness, and a mother’s love.

You may find it in its entirety here: http://www.allthingschristmas.com/stories/BurglarsChristmas.html

Merry Christmas, Positive Parents who are "Character Training From the Heart"! :)

The Easiest Homemade Food Gift I've Ever Made: Fudges

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” Johnny Carson

In earlier posts, I gave ideas and recipes for snack mixes that parents and kids can make with their kids for gifts. Today I would like to share the hands-down easiest food gift I have ever made. (Well, maybe it was so easy because Kara made all 100+ pounds of it that year!) Seriously, if you know how to make simple fudge recipes (i.e. evaporated milk, marshmallows, and marshmallow cream, etc.), you will be surprised how quickly many (dozens!) of food gifts come together in this tip.

I purchased those little six-eight inches or so across plastic holiday tubs (the real inexpensive ones without lids that are about three to five inches deep). (You can use any container really, that you don’t care to get back—but because you do not need lids, you can get them extremely cheaply—I think I got mine like 4/$1 at Dollar Tree or somewhere like that.)

Then we, uhm, Kara, began making fudge (recipes below). She started the butter melting in the huge “saucepan” and spread the containers out on counters. When the fudge was ready, rather than pouring it into 9 x 13 glass baking dishes (like we usually do), she simply filled each little plastic container (200 of them!) with fudge. She continued in this manner with all of the chocolate-walnut, then all the peanut butter. In two to three hours or so, she had like 70-80 containers filled with 50 lbs of fudge! (She was sixteen when she did this and was not all that experienced cooking on her own as she was our chief editor at the time—so she got out of kitchen duty a lot!)

When the fudge was cool and firm, she slid each one into a decorative bag (the little tub sat down in the bag so the top of the bag was twisted and tied (with ribbon) above the little tub—so tub sat upright in the bag) and tied it up. At that point, because we have a small house and little storage, she simply stacked them all in Rubbermaid tubs with lids and placed them in the storage shed (our "other refrigerator") until we were ready to distribute them!

We have done various gifts for neighbors, students, church friends, family members, librarians, and more, including cookie trays, snack mixes, quick breads, yeast breads, and goodie tins. This is the simplest and fastest, by far. It is easy to clean up (just sauce pan, measuring cups, thermometer, and spoons). Plus, they taste amazing! 

Below are the recipes for all three of the fudges she used for this—chocolate walnut, peanut butter, and chocolate-peanut butter ribbon. Merry Christmas!


  Chocolate Walnut Fudge 6 pounds

8 Cup Sugar

1 Cup Butter 1 cup = 2 sticks

2 Each marshmellow cream 7 oz jars (2 of them)

2 Cup Walnuts, chopped Or more!

2 Each Evaporated Milk 12 oz cans (2 of them)

2 Package Chocolate Chips 12 oz pkgs (2 of

them=4 cups)

Instructions

1. Melt butter in large heavy sauce pan.

2. Stir in milk and sugar.

3. Bring to full rolling boil, stirring constantly to prevent scorching (on

medium to medium high heat).

4. Bring to softball stage (235').

5. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips until melted.

6. Add marshmellow cream and nuts, stirring until well blended.

7. Pour into 2 9 x 13 baking dishes.

8. Cool at room temp.

9. Makes approximately 6 lbs.

------------------------------------------------------------

                     Chocolate Walnut Fudge -- Double 12 pounds



16 Cup Sugar

2 Cup Butter 1 cup = 2 sticks

4 Each marshmellow cream 7 oz jars (2 of them)

4 Cup Walnuts, chopped Or more!

4 Each Evaporated Milk 12 oz cans (2 of them)

4 Package Chocolate Chips 12 oz pkgs (2 of

them=4 cups)



Instructions

1. Melt butter in large heavy sauce pan.

2. Stir in milk and sugar.

3. Bring to full rolling boil, stirring constantly to prevent scorching (on

medium to medium high heat).

4. Bring to softball stage (235').

5. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips until melted.

6. Add marshmellow cream and nuts, stirring until well blended.

7. Pour into 4 9 x 13 baking dishes.

8. Cool at room temp.

9. Makes approximately 6 lbs.

_______________________________________


                               Peanut Butter Fudge 5-6 pounds



4 Cup Brown Sugar

4 Cup Marshmallows, miniature

4 Cup Sugar

4 Cup Peanut Butter, creamy

2 Cup Evaporated Milk

4 Tablespoon Vanilla

1/2 Cup Butter 1/2 cup = 1 stick





Instructions



1. Combine sugars, evaporated milk, and butter in heavy saucepan.

2. Cook until softball stage on medium (235'), stirring often.

3. Remove from stove.

4. Stir in marshmellows, peanut butter, and vanilla.

5. Stir until all is melted and begins to thicken.

6. Pour into 2 13 x 9 greased (PAM) baking dishes.

7. Cool, cut, and serve.

8. Makes approximately 5-6 pounds.

------------------------------------------------------------



                    Peanut Butter Fudge -- Double 10-12 pounds



8 Cup Brown Sugar

8 Cup Marshmallows, miniature

8 Cup Sugar

8 Cup Peanut Butter, creamy

4 Cup Evaporated Milk

8 Tablespoon Vanilla

1 Cup Butter 1/2 cup = 1 stick





Instructions

------------------------------------------------------------

1. Combine sugars, evaporated milk, and butter in heavy saucepan.

2. Cook until softball stage on medium (235'), stirring often.

3. Remove from stove.

4. Stir in marshmellows, peanut butter, and vanilla.

5. Stir until all is melted and begins to thicken.

6. Pour into 4 13 x 9 greased (PAM) baking dishes.

7. Cool, cut, and serve.

8. Makes approximately 10-12 pounds.






________________________________________


                    Chocolate-Peanut Butter Ribbon Fudge 12 pounds


Ingredients for Both Layers

4 Cup Brown Sugar

4 Cup marshmellows miniature

12 Cup Sugar

4 Cup peanut butter, creamy

2 Cup Evaporated Milk

2 Each Evaporated Milk 12 oz cans

4 Tablespoon Vanilla

1 1/2 Cup Butter 1 stick=1/2 cup

2 Each marshmellow cream each jar=7 oz

2 Each Chocolate Chips each=12 oz package





Instructions for Chocolate Fudge “Ribbon”



1. For the chocolate fudge, melt 1 cup butter in large heavy sauce pan.

2. Stir in 2 (12 oz) cans evaporated milk and 8 cups sugar.

3. Bring to full rolling boil, stirring constantly to prevent scorching (on

medium to medium high heat).

4. Bring to softball stage (235').

5. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips until melted.

6. Add marshmellow cream, stirring until well blended.

7. Pour chocolate fudge mixture into 4 9 x 13 baking dishes.

8. While chocolate layer is cooling, make peanut butter fudge according to

instructions below.





Instructions for Peanut Butter Fudge “Ribbon”



1. Combine 4 cups brown sugar, 4 cups white sugar, 1 cups evaporated milk,

and 1/2 cup butter in heavy saucepan.

2. Cook until softball stage on medium (235'), stirring often.

3. Remove from stove.

4. Stir in marshmellows, peanut butter, and vanilla.

5. Stir until all is melted and begins to thicken.

6. Pour over the four pans of chocolate fudge once it is cooled somewhat.

7. Let all cool before cutting; may put in fridge or cool garage, etc. to

cool quicker.

Christmas in the Car--reprint

Tonight as we drove home from an extended family Christmas gathering, reading aloud and singing, I was reminded of an old article I wrote for our newsletter several years ago—Christmas in the Car. I will post it in its entirety below—gotta sneak in those family times any chance we get as our kids get older!



From 2004:



If your children are growing up as fast as ours are, and if you travel distances to church, piano lessons, grandparents, etc. as we do, you might want to try some of our “Christmas in the Car” tips. Basically, every year I see the holiday time slipping away from us. The girls are taking college classes; off to Spanish or piano; teaching their own guitar, language arts, and piano students; working at their jobs; and more. Every time I think we’re going to have a sing-along/reading time tonight, someone announces that she has a Spanish test tomorrow and has to study all evening! Thus, our “Christmas in the Car” time was born.



We spend a great deal of time in the vehicle each week—driving to lessons, church, grandparents, etc.---all forty-five minutes away from us minimum. Being the efficiency expert that I am (of sorts!), I began utilizing this time in the vehicle to keep some of our holiday traditions alive. Try some of our “Christmas in the Car” ideas—and keep those traditions going strong:



*Sing carols as you drive.



*Listen to Christmas radio dramas (Focus on the Family has good ones), Uncle Dan and Aunt Sue Christmas stories, Christmas books on tape, Adventures in Oddysey Christmas stories, etc. as you are driving.



*Sing your way through the Christmas story. Start with “Mary, Did You Know?” and move on to “Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem,” then move onto anything having to do with the shepherds (“The First Noel,” “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” “Angels We Have Heard on High”). Next move into the birth/after the birth with “Silent Night,” “O Come All Ye Faithful,” “Away in a Manger,” and “We Three Kings.” Lastly, sing of the joy of his arrival: “Joy to the World” and “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.”



*Tell the Christmas story in one sentence increments as you go around the van, person-by-person. (This gets interesting with the little ones who might have them fleeing Herod’s wrath before Jesus is even born!)



*If a passenger can read without being sick, you might read your way through a favorite (pictureless) holiday book. We enjoy reading Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado and The Birth by Gene Edwards. Everyone looks forward to reading another chapter the next time we get in the van.



*Likewise, we read “devotional” type books about Christmas while we drive. This year, we are enjoying short chapters in the book Stories Behind the Best-Loved Songs of Christmas (see review). We have also enjoyed Christmas Stories From the Heart, The Christmas Reader, and more in years past.



*Use the driving time to memorize the Christmas story from the book of Luke. (We like to assign one verse to each person and go from person to person.)



*We enjoy memorizing all the verses from a certain Christmas song each year. In years past, we have memorized “Away in a Manger,” “Twelve Days of Christmas,” and “We Three Kings.” We can still sing most of the verses today!



*Drive by Christmas lights on your evening travels.



*Go through a drive-through or walk-through nativity while driving by one.



*Deliver goodies to those in route.



*Play “20 Questions Christmas-Style” or “Name That Christmas Tune.”



*New game: A person picks three things about the Christmas story that are really true or just thought to be true (or embellished, such as the little drummer boy playing for Jesus), and the others try to guess which two things are really in the Bible and which one is not. This is eye-opening.



*Sing whatever Christmas song you are reminded of by the decorations you see—stars, snowmen, angels, etc.



*Make up your own humorous twelve days of Christmas song, with each person getting to add their own items to the list as you sing around the van.



*Play the ABC Christmas game—“What I love about Christmas is A for angel, B for baby, C for candy, etc.” Go around and each person starts with A and tries to remember what was previously said. (This is a spin-off of the “I went to Grandma’s and I took A for applesauce, B for blankets, etc.)



*My personal favorite: Have someone write your holiday cooking and shopping list and holiday menus down for you while you drive and dictate to them. (Be forewarned: No comments about the spelling or penmanship are allowed when the child is done writing for you!)