A is for AFFIRMATION

A is for AFFIRMATION!

I LOVE TO WATCH YOU...


Article from blog:

Affirmation. Words of encouragement. Words of praise. Words of confirmation. Words of affection. Words of pride. Words of belonging. These all describe that one word--affirmation.

I recently read an article about a study of hundreds of college athletes that lasted over three decades. In this article,  “What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent and What Makes a Great One.” these college athletes described two things that are poignant for parents of all children, including non-athletes.

The first question they answered was "What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?"

The majority of those surveyed said, "The ride home from games with my parents."

(If you have read much of what we have written or heard us speak often, you know that we focus on riding with our children in the van or car as one of the key opportunities to teach, affirm, talk, love, and train. It breaks my heart that this "sacred time" is remembered as one of the most dreadful times for these hundreds of athletes.)

Of course, we can all imagine why--because there probably isn't a parent reading this (author included) who hasn't come down on a child on the drive home from something about his performance--teacher conferences, speech contest, debate tournament, soccer game, swim meet, even pick-up basketball games are all opportunities to "teach" our child what he did "wrong" in the aforementioned event. 

My husband, who is truly the best dad I know, one who talks to his kids on the phone and in person quite literally hours every day, even does this, so I know it is hard to conquer. And it isn't always the parent's fault either--as I know our kids usually probe on the way home from a performance, sermon, or song. They ask us questions that make us feel like we should be "teaching" at that time. 

However, we really need to resist the urge to teach at that time. My experience has been that they ask and ask, but they really don't want a lesson. They really just want to hear the positive at that time. I have to remind myself that there will be time for teaching and lessons later--when the performance, sermon, or song isn't so fresh.

The study went on to prove this point further by telling how the kids described their joy over grandparents attending their sporting events. It seems that grandparents are more likely to watch, cheer, and then praise--with no lessons or strings attached. 

Turning from the negative and what not-to-do, to the positive, these same athletes were asked what their parents did right--what made them feel good about themselves and their performances. The majority of them said that they were filled with joy when their parents simply said six little words:

 "I love to watch you play."

No lessons, lectures, or analyses. Just six simple words that made hundreds of college and professional athletes look back on their time following sporting events with their parents fondly.

And six little words that we can use to affirm our children all the time. 

I was happy to read this article because one of my favorite buzz lines after my kids perform is 

I could watch you _________________ forever. 

I could watch you dance forever. I could watch you sing forever. I could watch you preach forever. I could watch you teach forever. I could watch you act forever. I could watch you direct forever. I could watch you lead forever. I could watch you play forever. I could watch you study forever. 

The thing about these lines---I love to watch you.... or I could watch you ..... forever---is that our child doesn't have to be the best to say these things. He doesn't have to have just played a perfect game. He doesn't have to have just scored the winning run. He doesn't have to have given a flawless performance. 

He is our child. We love to watch him grow, do, be, become. We are saying that the child is so amazing to us--without being the gold medal winner. We are saying that he is important. That we want to be with him. That we love to watch him do what he loves to do.

We are affirming. With six little words.

I love to watch you....

 

Link for original article:
http://raising-kids-with-character.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-love-to-watch-you.html





A is for AFFIRMATION!

Mistletoe--For More Than Just Kissing--a Reminder of Peace

"Then I thought of the mistletoe—hanging above the entrance to a home—right there in the doorway where all family members must pass to enter. And how we can use mistletoe this holiday season to remind us to “disarm ourselves, embrace, and refrain from combat.”




During our “holiday tradition” reading this year, I was reminded of the many characteristics of the mistletoe. I’ve always been a mistletoe fan—if my “mistletoe-ee” is nearby, of course. It hasn’t always been such a good thing—and the plant itself has some extremely negative traits. However, we can use the mistletoe for good by following the tradition of soldiers centuries ago.

The mistletoe is known as a “taker” and not a “giver.” It is a parasite that lives on the very life of another plant, causing the slow destruction of this host. The strange thing, however, is that once the “host plant” dies, the mistletoe dies as well.

Early settlers enjoyed decorating for Christmas with the mistletoe because of its decorative flowers and attractive berries. It grows in late November and stays green throughout the winter—all the way until spring. Back in those days, there were no other green plants available in winter to use as decorations.

Of course, we are all familiar with the common use for mistletoe—as a gathering spot beneath for kissing. Obviously, this can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. For years, our kids thought it was so cute to cart what looked like mistletoe around and hold it above Mom or Dad to illicit kisses between us. That is a good use for it! However, the obvious bad use is the promoting of promiscuity among those who have no business kissing.

The most interesting thing about mistletoe to me this year, and the reason for this post at all, is the custom from centuries ago that caused temporary peace to reign. This custom required enemies who met under a clump of mistletoe to disarm themselves, embrace, and refrain from combat for the remainder of the day.

Immediately upon reading that this year I thought of family members who are at war with one another. I thought of grown kids who are less than friendly with their very own parents. I thought of adult siblings who are not on speaking terms. And on and on. And I thought of our responsibility as Christians to not allow this brokenness to continue.

Then I thought of the mistletoe—hanging above the entrance to a home—right there in the doorway where all family members must pass to enter. And how we can use mistletoe this holiday season to remind us to “disarm ourselves, embrace, and refrain from combat.” We can use the simple mistletoe as our cue to enter with peace in our hearts, kindness on our tongues, and love in our souls. Furthermore, we can teach this to our children—that God calls us to live peaceably with all men, when it is in our power, and that Christmas time is the best time to re-invite that peace into our hearts and spread it to those family members whom we might not have always had peace with.

Words Make a Difference

The link below just came through on Facebook, and I automatically started running through the many applications of it. Writing (our son is speaking about word choice today at the APACHE convention in Illinois today during his Writing With Style session!). Marriage (oh yeah). And, of course, parenting.

How many times do we say, "You always..." When we should say, "I feel like this or that happened.." How many times do we say, "Why can't you..." When we should say, "It would be so great if you could..."

And then there's the whole thought of hurtful words. How many times do we use hurtful words to our children instead of words of peace; words of love; words of affirmation; words of encouragement; or even words of helpful instruction?

Watch this clip with those thoughts in mind...and let's all choose the right words today!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&feature=player_embedded#at=97